After the birthday fun, the next day I came back down to earth. And everything was shit again. AND I was tired and hung-over.
Mario called me on Eric’s phone when I was eating lunch. He said he’s been trying to call me on my birthday but couldn’t get through. We had a chat but I couldn’t really hear him properly because there was a lot of noise in the street, he was speaking Spanish and I was feeling grumpy. He said he’d be online later to chat.
Later that day we spoke online. He was asking me loads of stupid questions. I wasn’t in the mood. I’d explained my situation and how I was feeling to him as clearly as possible and he wasn’t getting it. He was also accusing me of fucking all the boys in Lima. I was so far from wanting to go anywhere near a man at the time it was ridiculous: I felt disgusting, I was still hurting from leaving Mario and the only man I was thinking about was him.
So I got pissed off with him and told him I never wanted to see him again. He didn’t respond well to this, not well at all. He went offline. I called him, he hung up. I called him again, he hung up. I called him one more time, he hung up. Three times is enough thought so I called Luciano up, crying, and he told me to meet him at his house.
We met up, we went for a drive, we sat on a rock and had a chat. He asked me who I am. “Who is Charlotte?” I know who I am, but when I put it in to words, it sounded lame: I’m a person that always tries to learn from everything I do and every situation I come across because I constantly strive to improve myself and be a better person.....?
When you’re travelling alone, other travellers not travelling alone sometimes assume that you’re running away from something or you’re trying to find yourself. The truth is, once I’d made the decision to go travelling it was because I was ready. I’d been thinking about it for years, putting it off, waiting for Fiona or someone else to be ready to go with me. When I was ready to go, I was ready to go it alone because I knew Tamsin was in Brazil, Bella was in Mexico and I had drawn up a list of other friends that I knew in different countries around the world. But more so because I felt I had found myself already and I didn’t want to go travelling because I was running away from something, I wanted to leave England because I was emotionally and mentally equipped to do it, I was happy and ready to see the world.
I told Luciano about my career in London – the career I’d left behind, the career in Advertising and Marketing I worked so hard for, achieved, and then walked away from. But my sad little love of marketing hadn’t died. Luciano knew this better than most people I’d met since I left England – because he was my client.
That night I called Mario. I felt bad about saying I never wanted to see him again. I knew how sensitive he was and I knew that I’d hurt him. When I called he handed the phone straight to Lorena. We talked and she told me to come back to Mancora. Then I spoke to Mario and he told me to come back to Minorca. So I decided to come back to Mancora. Eric was going back the next day (Thursday) and I could get a lift with him.
Thursday arrived and the lift fell through. The car was broken. Mañana.
What was the universe trying to tell me?
A few days before, on my birthday, in an attempt to sort my life out, I decided to take my cousin up on her offer of helping me out of Peru and continuing my Latin adventure elsewhere. I’d contacted Bella and told her I’d made a decision – I would like to come to Mexico and if she could lend me the money for my flight and I’d pay her back when I could. She responded by saying she was just waiting for some money to come through and she’d buy my ticket as soon as it did. Now – I know what Mexico’s like, mainly because she’s told me – and she can wait months to get paid for something. I didn’t have months. My decision had been taken away from me.
That week I’d spoken to some people back home and once they knew my situation (skint and skinny) they started to offer me their money. Although an incredibly kind and generous offer, and a solution to my problem and a way out – it didn’t feel right. My adventure had made me realise what is most important to me: freedom and independence. I always knew these things were important to me, but I didn’t realise they were my top priorities in life. Continuing my adventure – poncing around South America now on someone else’s money - was not conducive to freedom or independence. I had to get real and weigh up my options.
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